only if things were easier.
If forgiving someone wouldn't be that hard.
If loneliness wouldn't be so hard to experience.
If admitting my failure wouldn't be so devastating.
suddenly everything is empty.
If it was only THAt easy to disappear.
Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category
I haven't been writing for a long time. too many things kept me busy. The new dogs, Pluto, My work. everything changes every day.
Yesterday it has been 2 months since Pluto has gone, as stupid as it may sound for some of the people, I can't get over it. I am thinking about it ALL the time. I miss him like I've never missed anyone in my life. I never thought he took such a big part of me. Last night I woke up around 03:30AM cause I thought I heard him barking, I came out of the window to see if it's him and to call him but then I realized it was Steve. 
I can't deal with it anymore.
The 2 new puppies are cute but it's crazy. I am cleaning after them 24*7 by all means. I barely sleep. my sleep became so weak and poor and that makes me tired and moody all day.
Today a new dog is coming for fostering until I will find a good place for her. I hope it's not going to last long because my dad is going to kill me.
other than that, work is pretty depressing, I am writing documents all day, and to be honest, I hate it. I hate the feeling that I am not giving 100% of me at work. (That's because I can't sit 10 hours a day and write document it never was easy for me, and apparently it will never be).
I need to leave Holmes place, I actually hate this place. and today I am going to Bikram Yoga.
The puppies:
Once again I realize how everything can turn around and people will shit on you. (even your best friend).
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.
I am feeling this discomfort, worrying all the time. I barely sleep, I work a LOT. The sadness and the yearning to see him again kills me.
I think I am being punished for something, whatever it is.
I am Truly, Deeply, SORRY.
I met him yesterday after almost 4 months that I haven't seen him. I was pretty amazed when he started talking about his feelings from the last time we met, I didn't expect it. he said he's sorry and he felt bad about they way he was. but I wasn't mad about it. I was mad about myself and my behavior. weird. weird how I was thinking about him for long time and when I saw him last night at the cheers, I didn't take his number.
I guess destiny is all around, they way our meetings happen. i hope it's for good. (the funny part was when I asked him about the baby).
At work I had some issues but it all seems to be ok and the way wanted it to be. I signed the new contract and I am truly happy there. I love the people I work with, I love the work itself. everything is just good.
I bought some fancy shmency speakers and they are pretty =P
After 7 weeks with the mac I am so happy with it. It's easy to use. I 've got everything I need in it. fast. when I bought it I was a bit scared "what if" but it seems to be just perfect for me 
My next purchase will be Canon 40D. (I need to get out of my house soon. I need to save money!).
Hedgehog is the law!
It's a mistery to me
we have a greed
with which we have agreed
You think you have to want
more than you need
until you have it all you won't be free
society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
When you want more than you have
you think you need
and when you think more than you want
your thoughts begin to bleed
I think I need to find a bigger place
'cos when you have more than you think
you need more space
society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me
there's those thinking more or less less is more
but if less is more how you're keeping score?
Means for every point you make
your level drops
kinda like its starting from the top
you can't do that…
society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me
society, have mercy on me
I hope you're not angry if I disagree
society, crazy and deep
I hope you're not lonely without me
alone with everybody else?
I think that one will be the best statement for the situation.. So it is fun being 5 minuets from everyone and everything, but in the end of the day, you're alone. I've got do many things on my mind that I wanna say tuesday, I don't even know where to start.
"Stay strong
Move on
Keep on "
I need it, more than I needed anything in my life.
I want it, more than I want anything else.
Please. All my life I've been dying for it.
Please let it happen.
I am desperate for it.
Please.
"my tongue gets tied,
every time we meet.
That is why, I never
speak.
It is not because I am a social misfit."
I should definitely quit.
I had a great weekend with a lot of friends. I think I am doing alright.
