evilrona.com

Ups and downs took me to other places,

O> "what's missing in your life right now?"

Me> "I can deal with a lot of things, but I can't give up the serenity, calm, peace, tranquillity".

where am I? I miss the kid I used to be. 

Exactly one year ago, I've lost my best friend.
One year that I haven't stopped loving him, missing him, dreaming of him for a second.
He was the most faithful creature I have ever met.
And for the few years I got the chance to be with him, I should thankful for the rest of my life.
You can learn a lot. even from a dog.
Wherever you are, I just hope that you're treated as you should. like a king.

 <3

I can't explain why, but nothing keeps me safe to know that you'll be here tomorrow.

 [The words won't come out]. 

Always trust your feelings.

If you think he's an ass he probably is.

Lying, is the most pathetic. stupid. shallow. evil thing.

Nothing has changed,

but at least I saw the mirror of 8 years. and I like what I see when I look at it. I did OK.

it's not a secret I've been terribly scared of the alarms . since the war in the south started, I came up north with an insecurity feeling that something is going to happen. The problem was that I couldn't fall a sleep, every strange sound froze my hear. and still, a week after the alarms in the north, it keeps driving me insane. I barely sleep, every lil noise wakes me up. it takes me hours to fall a sleep. and I am now afraid being alone more than ever before.

I keep the first 20 seconds from the same morning running in my head. (without wanting it of course).  and now I am heading a stressful month with all the exams, and I seriously don't know how to handle it.

so I wanted to go to sleep and instead I find myself bitching here. anything but turning the lights off.

This is how it's going to to be in the next 3 years?
Every time I am gonna pass next to this hotel I'll think about the other night in the bar?

 it can't be like that

This week was literally crazy. In my 24.5 years, I've never studied as mush as I did this week, From organic chemistry, to fishes, to unorganic chemistry, via cell biology. wow. I felt like I am going to collapse. Who said a BSc in biotechnology is going to be easy?
On Sunday I had lab experiment which I didn't take part in. I definitely don't want to take any part in experiment that include animal. I don't think it's necessary in this part of my studies, I don't think it's necessary to "experience" it now. They can show us a video of these experiments or computerized experiments.

I stayed the weekend up north and as it seems, I am going to spend here a lot of time in the near future. In two wees I'll start my exams and I won't have time to breathe for sure. This weekend I stayed at home all weekend, shared my time between TV, internet, reading, looking for some articles regarding my work on HPV (haven't found anything interesting yet). and of course, my new lover, Dexter. the people who know me, know how I barely watch TV nor allegiance to any series. But this one really kept me busy.
I watched 10 episodes:| that's crazy.

I was all alone in the apartment but needed it more than ever, it was warm and quiet, I really wanted to go biking around today, but didn't have the chance to stop being a couch potato. but hey, I blame dexter for that. BTW, not that the brring, clubing scene is that fun here. I'd rather have the night life of Tel Aviv, with all the respest to where I live know. I kinda wanted to do something, but that something doesn't exist here I guess. The silence here can drive you to insanity. sometimes I love it. sometimes I amm scared by it.
I cooked for my self, bought a bottle of wine but didn't have the chance to open it, I made chicken curry. the best chicken curry ever! with white rice. I found out I really build a name of a cooker among my friends here, it is fun, I love cooking for them, and it flatters when they talk about my cooking

I terribly miss my dogs, and I miss my parents and some friends.
Hope this week will be a bit easier.

How do you keep your memories of something that is no longer with you?
obviously, time is not helping here. as time's passing by, we tend to forget, even the good memories.
and lately I try not to forget all the lil things of Pluto. I terribly miss him. and extremely missing his behavior and even the little things he used to do back then that used to drive me crazy, but now I miss it. and I tend to forget,

too bad he's not here to remind me. even the things I didn't like

Today it's been exactly 10 monthes. There are not enough words to describe how much I miss him

"I never once heard you say,
I need you,
I don't need you.
I need you,
I don't need you.
and all of that jiving around."

i wanted to write something else..
but that's what came.